Friday Frivolity: Three essential messages


To: The Steve Jobs, the Michael Jordan, the Michelangelo of packaging technology.

You are a master of your craft. You have conquered Mount Everest, untied the Gordian Knot, and lifted Thor’s hammer. I am in awe of your ability to package an iPhone cable which is impervious to the shock blast of a nuclear attack.

You win! Now please stop! Seriously.

I am exhausted from battling your military grade packaging on every item that comes into my home. My kitchen table need not look resemble a crime scene after opening a bottle of aspirin.

Thank you. (and again, congratulations on exceeding all of our wildest expectations)


To: Airline Industry

We are all aware that smoking is not permitted on the aircraft. For the smokers on the plane that have been living in the wilderness for the past 20 years, they can be corrected on a case by case basis.

Not only are the verbal reminders unnecessary, you are wasting precious real estate on the tray table backs. You have a captive audience and limited space, and the message you choose to share is “No Smoking”?? Why not answer other questions that are on the forefront of our 21st century minds?

Should the need to take a vote arise mid-flight, can women participate?

If there is a Jewish and an Egyptian man on the plane, is the former the latter’s slave onboard this aircraft?

Is plundering acceptable behavior during the flight?

You are welcome.


To: Business Associates

You need and deserve to take time away from the office. When you do so, I appreciate the courtesy of an email autoresponder message. However, please stop claiming that you will have “limited access to email.”

Really? Where will you be traveling to? 1997? The pit of a salt mine?

Stick with “I am out of the office until ___” or perhaps, more courageously, “I will not be responding to emails this week.”

Stop offending my intelligence.

P.S. As an aside, please throttle back on the “Reply All” decision